The movement

The Anna Hazare phenomenon has caught up with the public off late. I had always seen educated youth in the developed countries hitting the roads and screaming their lungs out during protests. And I had always secretly wished for something similar to happen in my country. Boy, after many years, IT DID! The Jan Lokpal movement is not restricted to a particular strata of the society (unlike years ago, where morchas and rallies were monopolized only by a particular group and the so called white-collared folks would quietly sit at home sipping their chai, watching TV and doing nothing about what is happening around them). It is so good to see the youngsters from renowned and established educational institutes stepping firmly to make their voice counted. Streets are flooding with people shouting slogans or just protesting peacefully- for the same cause! Is it really India? Are we really waking up to the reality eventually? I’m not looking at scrutinizing the validity of the means Anna has selected to bring the reforms, nor do I wish to analyze the teacup storm brought about by a few intellectuals and a bunch of attention seekers. But I’m happy for the fact that it brought the nation together at some point, on some level. I’m basking in the joy of witnessing this equality I had only imagined of.
In the era where 75% youth have just given up on their nation and many of them making rounds of the visa offices of ‘developed countries’ just to go away from the mayhem, it is indeed comforting to see that they still have some hope left and want to pursue it. They inspire me not to give up. Even if I’m not planning to leave the country, the Anna phenomenon showed that I don’t need to live like a drag either. We knew that we have been taken for granted enough. I’m glad we are finally telling it loud.
So I would like to go and join the protests just once (at least). Not that it all ends there. But it’s a different experience. And I would also love to see more people joining in and giving their netas a teaching or two. Our generation is fortunate to have experienced such an unprecedented mass movement in their lifetime. Why not be part of it? This is something we can take with us for the rest of our lives. Something we can tell our children and grandchildren, see their wide eyes getting wider hearing the ‘awesome’ stuff their senior generation has experienced and feeling proud of their ‘Ma’s’, ‘Dadda’s’ and ‘Nani’s’ and ‘Dadus’.
Wouldn’t it be a nice keepsake to pass on than just some gadgets, games and fairytales?

Marriage, anyone? - Part 2

I have always looked at marriage from a distance, somewhat like a kid curiously looking at the flames in the welding shop along side the road..

I never really felt the obviousness of actually having to go through the process of arranged marriage myself…For that matter, I never thought it would be obvious for me too.. :) .But I couldn’t escape the parental nagging for a longer time and the groom search began for Manu Joshi….. finally! After some initial pangs of ‘I -can’t-believe-I’m-going-through-this’, I decided to loosen up a bit and have some laughs… like I had a choice! The hmpfs and F words weren’t helping anyway….Why not take a breather and enjoy myself? (Hmm .. I’m planning to write a self-help book on ‘Pre arranged marriage bummers and fixes)

Anyway. So my parents registered my name on one of those popular matrimonial sites and there began a short but epic journey of unintentional hilarity that I experienced thereafter.

(To all those who have simultaneously opened all the matrimonial sites and are fishing for my name in them, please don’t. The profile has been deleted. If you care a bit more to read this blog further, you will know why.)

I was amazed, surprised, not so surprised, flummoxed, jaw-dropped, and of course laughed till the end of my wits as I went through the motley of the groom profiles that came my way. I never really had to search for them.. They just came my way. Like an old saying goes.. ‘for those who wish to sing, find a song’, I would go ahead and say, ‘for those who wish to laugh find a joke …and how!’ I must mention that not all the profiles were/are like that. Some are genuinely good, authentic and convey sensibility. ….But they didn’t make me laugh... :D

So here’s some interesting stuff from the miscellaneous profiles that I noted down for a future laugh. I was not sure whether I should be sharing it on my blog. But my rational mind (which comprises 10% of my mind and still manages to influence my decisions at times) suggested that there is no harm spreading a good opportunity to laugh.
Besides, for ethical reasons, I’m not going to disclose the names of the esteemed owners of these profiles. However, let me assure you that these profiles DO EXIST. I never even had to exaggerate while listing their valuable lines down. Below each instance, I have written some comments which were the reflex action from my side the moment I read that stuff. Enjoy…


“i am some time funny but serious about my carrier. i expect from patner that she must be with me throughout life in any danger.”
….Marrying you will ultimately mean life in danger anyway..


“she should respect parents she should not reserve minded I belive on god iwill not force her but she should respect my fillings i search a partner who share her fillings small small caring loving and suitable to me. i always respect her fillings b"ze i sent my sister to inlows. Bassssss”
….Sir have you heard of something called punctuation marks?
A-n-y-w-a-y.
Toh funny thing ij this ke bhaiyya englis ij e bheree funnneee laangwaje. How else would she share her ‘fillings’ with him? Stop before you think something outrageously vulgar, the guy only means emotions here.. ;)


Annual Income - Rs. 5
…Arre paisa mat dekho…pyar jyada important hai.. :D

“I am very nicely boy i dont want she is for health i want to just she is look good she is nature is very politely i needed qulification is no bar but minimium b. com”
…All unhealthy girls, please contact this monsieur.


“i have father, mother & sister. my father is retired person, mom is working in accounting dept, & mysister is married. she is stay in pune city, she is good, kindly. my famailys valve is more imjportant, my pratnar jis good, she is not compalsary in working, my familimamber in three. i have very cool person, i have father mother & sister. sshe is godd, my drem is achivment of my life.”
…Family’s valve? And what does it mean by she is not ‘complsary in working my familymember in three???’ sounds like a psycho thriller…. Btw, he has not achieved his life…yet…..wonder who’s going to marry an unborn spirit…


“myself sachin im science graduate &wanted my life partner who r good in nature as well as undersand me & my family i. e just like behave as a friend”
… then who’ll be your wife??


“i am very stright minded fun loving person my familiy is having 2 members i like the partner who love the life. Looking for a partener who is cooooooool friendship with me. i love the discovery & hbo channels. mostaly i watch or read about whats new in world. my preffered partner who knows family values & is confident & dission making person. ok have a nice day.........”
… dission making eh…? Cooooool friendship kya hota hai bhaiyya?


"My self Prasad. I like to just enjoy my life by all the way. i dont like to be like a sad ones. i m looking for the person who is like to enjoy her life with me in any situation...... "
…. Dude, have you heard of PMS?


"My father is a foundry consultant and my mother is a house hold wife. "
…. Yes, she just sits around in a corner of the house.. household….. man, what was he thinking?


"I t is a part of dicussion.
so discuss it when we meet.
I like punctuality.
Person should be good looking, Action oriented.
I like travelling. Same with my the bride who came in my life "
… bride came in your life? Then why the are you still on a matrimonial site????... Looks like this guy has come directly from Khadakwasla academy …baaye mudd…. Looook goodd.. 1..2…...1..2..…. hup hup hup….



"My Dream Fairy : I'm weighting for a fairy who is polite, confident, healthy, cultural, responsible towards family, & likes to mix in the society, who will bring more & more happiness in our life & who will shower the blossoms of love and who will live with me HAPPILY FOREVER. "
… Weighting for a fairy eh?... Try sitting on a weighing scale.. fairy will come faster….BTW this guy’s last line sounds scary….like “the hell she will!”


"My Cousin is an extremely handsome man.
He stays with Parents and Grandmom. He is the only child of my parents. "
…….Then who the heck are YOU??????


"am been to USA for couple of times. Which made me open minded and adoptable person. "
….. Anyone for his adoption?


“P. S. I am in search for a wife ( a good wife, who will be a good mother, good daughter in law, good sister in law, who constantly thinks about othermembers of the family and not for herself ) not a partner or friend. I hate girls who drinks( even occassionely. Thats not a hindu culture, with heavey makeup, artificial expressions, loose charactor etc please do not contact or respond if you feel that you are one of them. What I like is natural beauty, simplicity, clean charactor, simple living and high thinking. who uses life for constructive purpose who will be assect to the family and society and not a liability
Joint family atmosphare. ( we all live to gather)"
…. Samjhe?? And his family members live to gather... looks like these are the direct decedents of hunter gatherers from Stone Age. So you know whom to contact the next time your garbage man doesn’t show up….


“I like to maintend relations ship good with every one who are in touch with me or from passed of my life.”
……passed of your life??


“I want a perfect friend who takes care of me, my family. I will with her in every movement of her joy-sorrows.”
… Movement of joy and sorrow????..aaannnnn, naughttty boy.. :)


“I am alone for for my Parents. I want a life partnar who can take care my families, can manage herself.”
… Ok, and how many families do you have sir?


“Its my great pleasure to introduce myself as Abhijit.”
… Otherwise how else do you generally introduce yourself as?


“I would like my partner who'll consider the marriage life as a part of carrier.”
….. So marriage could be a career too.. ;) girls, you have more career choices now.. :D


"I AM VERY FRANK PERSON I WANT MY JEVANSATHI WHICH LOVES PEOPLE AND MY FAMILY MEMBERS OR HELP ME IN MY HAPPY DAYS OR BAD DAYS ALSO IN MY LIFE. "
….. Love sure is conditional—he wants his partner to either love his family or to help him..wah.. But I think if he wants a ‘Jevansathi’ then she would love food more than anything else. :D (In marathi, ‘Jevan’ is meal.)

Anyone who wants to propose any of these dudes in spite of their duds, please register your names on the sites today. For those aspiring to get married some day, I hope you don't feel discouraged towards having an arranged marriage and still vouch for it... after all your efforts for not to have one are ended. :D

An evening in mall

तुम्ही एखाद्याला motivate करण्यासाठी किती आणि कसे प्रयत्न करु शकता? तुमच्या चिकाटीचा कस कितपत लाऊ शकता?.... आता याचं उत्तर "मा़झा कस किनई १-१० च्या स्केलवर ७.५ लागतो" असं होत नाही. पण काही प्रसंग हा कस दाखवुन देतात. तुमच्या क्षमतेची तुम्हालाच नव्याने ओळख होते... आणि त्याचबरोबर अंतर्भूत करायला लावणारे अजूनही काही साक्षात्कार होतात.बर्याच दिवसांनी आज मॉलमधे जाण्याचा योग आला. आईलाही बरोबर घेतलं. तिच्याबरोबर quality time घालवण्याची तेव्ह्ढीच एक संधी. नाहीतर कॉर्पोरेट गुलामीपायी रोज बारा-चौदा तास घराबाहेर घालवणार्या मला तिच्याशी रोज नीट बोलताही येत नाही. नेहेमी सलणारी ही खंत जरा कमी करायची वेळ आज आयती चालून आली. आमच्या बाबांना बाहेर येण्यापेक्षा कुठल्यातरी जुन्या इंडिया-ऑस्ट्रेलिया टेस्ट मॅचमध्ये जास्त quality दिसली. त्यामुळे मग आम्ही दोघीच ladies' evening out करण्याकरता बाहेर पडलो.

मुंबईत मॉल हे एक फिरायला जाण्याचं ठिकाण आहे. अर्थात आईलोकांना आमच्याइतकी इथे फिरायची सवय नाही. त्यामुळे तिथे पोचल्यावर "नाहीतरी महाग वस्तुच असतात सगळ्या, त्यापेक्षा दादरला जाऊ इथे पटकन काहीतरी बघून" अशा प्रकारची वाक्यं टाकून झाली. या postच्या सुरुवातीला ज्या चिकाटी शब्दाचा उल्लेख केला आहे त्याला आव्हान मिळाल्याची जाणीव मला तत्क्षणी झाली. मॉलच्या अदृश्य इलेक्ट्रॉनिक द्वारपालांनी आमच्याकरता दारे दोन्ही बाजूंनी उघडली अन आम्ही आत प्रवेश करते झालो.
आता सगळ्यात मोठं दिव्य. समोरचा हत्तीच्या सोंडेसारखा दिसणारा escalator! आमची आई यापुर्वी सरकत्या जिन्यावर गेली नाही असं नाही, पण तो अनुभव घेऊन काही वर्षं लोटली होती, अन त्यावेळी बाबांनी कसंतरी तारु बंदराला लावलं होतं. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step...or so they say....इथे तर फक्त single stepच घ्यायची होती. बाकीचं काम escalator करणार होता. पण त्या पहिल्या वहिल्या एकाच पायरीवर पाय ठेवणार कोण? अचानक माझ्या डाव्या हाताला हिसके बसाय़ला लागले. आई सॉल्लीड टरकली होती.

"नको नको, मला नाही जमणार. आपण इथे खालच्या खाली काय ते बघू आणि परत जाऊ."
"अगं काही नाही होत, तू उगाचच घाबरतेयस. त्या बघ तुझ्यापेक्षा मोठ्या बायका कशा व्यवस्थित चाल्ल्यायत. ती आज्जी बघितलीस का?"
"मला त्यांचं सांगु नकोस. माझी साडी अडकली तर? पडले तर? मला confidence नाही. नाहीतर मी इथे थांबते, तू पटकन हवं तर वर जाऊन फिरुन ये."
"अगं असं काही होत नाही आई. मी आहे ना. फक्त माझा हात धर आणि मी सांगते त्या पायरीवर पटकन पाय ठेव."
मागे काही माणसं चुळबुळ करत उभी होती. एक सिक्युरिटी गार्डही काय चाल्लंय म्हणुन बघायला आली. त्यामुळे नाईलाजाने मला बाजूला व्हावं लागलं. आईसाहेबांना तो आपला विजय आणि सुट्का असं दोन्ही वाटलं. पण मीही हे चॅलेंज स्वीकारलं होतं. त्यामुळे गर्दी जाताच माझा धोशा पुन्हा सुरु झाला. शेवटी कशीतरी बिचारी ती तयार झाली.
"नीट पकड मला तोल गेला तर...या वयात पडणं झेपणार नाहीये मला."
"हो गं, उगाच काळजी नको करूस. काहीही होणार नाहीये....चल, ये अशी पुढे..अजून जरा.. आता जी पायरी येईल ना तिच्यावर पटकन पाय ठेव.."
"अरे देवा..."
"अगं रिलॅक्स...तुला धरलंय गं मी...ही बघ आली पायरी, चला पाय टाका बरं पटकन.."

हे बोलताना माझं मलाच हसायला आलं. पण आईने चक्क बरोब्बर पाय टाकला आणि एकदाचे आम्ही मार्गस्थ झालो. क्षणभर तिलाही कळलं नाही की ती escalator वर कशी आली. दुसर्याच क्षणी तिचा चेहरा खुलला. आम्ही दोघीही एकमेकींकडे बघून हसलो. तिचं तिलाच खरं वाटत नव्हतं की ती चक्क escalator वर आलीय. तिच्या चेहेर्यावर एका लहान मुलीचे विजयी भाव होते. अर्थात जसा वरचा मजला जवळ यायला लागला तशी त्या भावांची जागा पुन्हा एकदा भीतीने घेतली. ती तोंडाने देवाची नावं पुटपुटायला लागली होती. मला क्षणभर अपराधी वाटलं. पण तिची भीती घालवणं जास्त गरजेचं होतं.

"आता तुझ्या पायाखालची पायरी जेव्हा सपाट होईल, तेव्हा पटकन पुढे जमीनीवर पाय टाक. खूप सोप्पंय हे." ...यावर मला जो look मिळाला तो इथे शब्दात सांगता येत नाहीये .. असो.

पण तिने 'आता हे करायचंच' या निश्चयाने पटकन escalator च्या बाहेर पाय टाकला आणि दुसर्याच क्षणी आम्ही वरच्या मजल्यावर पोहोचलो होतो.
भीतीची जागा पुन्हा एकदा विजयी मुद्रेने घेतली. माझ्याकडे बघून हसली. म्हणाली, "एखादी गोष्ट करेपर्यंतच तिचा बाऊ वाटतो. भीती कमी झाली आता माझी."
म्हटलं, "परत जाऊ या का?"
"नको नको! आजच्यासाठी एवढं पुरे."
मग मी ठरवलं की हिला अजुन त्रास द्यायचा नाही. Let her enjoy her achievement.. and I'll enjoy mine too. वाटलं, किती घाबरते ही उगाचच. माझ्या patience चा अंत बघितला हिने जवळपास...
....पण याच्याहुन कितितरी जास्त patience हिने घालवला होता की - काहीही न कळणार्या एका लहान छोकरीपायी, एका हट्टी टीनेजरसाठी आणि आता शिक्षण संपवून नोकरी करणार्या, समजूतदारपणाची 'शिंगं' फुटलेल्या एका मोठया मुलीकरता. मला आठवतही नाही अशा कितीतरी पायर्या हिच्यामुळे मी चढले असेन. एका टिपीकल मराठी घरातली ही साधी आई. तिला नवलाईचं कौतुक अन भीतीही. तुमच्या-आमच्या आया काही बाबतीत सारख्याच असतात. मुलांच्या आनंदाकरता का होईना, नवीन गोष्टी स्वीकारतात...आणि कधी कधी त्या गोष्टींच्या प्रेमातही पडतात. आजकाल ही गार्लिक ब्रेड खाते...तिला आवडतो. पास्ताही खायला शिकतेय. इतकंच नव्हे, तर त्याच्या रेसिपीज शोधतेय.

"कसला विचार करतेयस?" आईच्या प्रश्नाने मी पुन्हा भानावर आले.
"चल जरा त्या समोरच्या दुकानात जाऊ. (दुकान?? नशीब 'गाळा' नाही म्हणाली) बरे वाटताहेत तिथले कपडे.."
"आणि दादर?"
"कशाला दादर? आता आलोय ना इथे? उगाच कोण जाणार तिकडे गर्दीतून धक्के खात? चल, काय छान ड्रेस लावलाय बघ तिथे.."

काही अचिवमेंट्स appraisal cycle मध्ये आणि performance rating वर नाही मोजता येत.. त्या फक्त जाणवतात...आणि शप्पथ सांगते, 'exceeded expectations' सारख्या तकलादू वाक्यांपेक्शा लय लय भारी असतात.

Enough!

Mumbai attacked.. the two words are flickering on almost all the news channels. The nation is watching the coverage of 'rescue operations'.. helplessly, stunned, exasperated and lost.

More than 100 people died in blasts and indiscrminate shoot-outs by the terrorists. There is a certain number of muslims in the list of the 100+ deaths... The community in the interest of which the gunmen claim they are fighting for. The innocent employees in Taj and Oberoi(many of them were women) fell prey to the rampant bullets of mere a bunch of goons. The Wife and children of the GM of Taj hotel were brutally shot dead by these so called islamic mujahidins... The beloved heritage building of Mumbai is burning in flames and we, the Mumbaikars, are just watching it, without a blink..Because we cannot do anything but be the mute spectators... We have lost sensations, haven't we? After a few days when this gets over (if at all is does) Mumbaikars will 'move on'..like they've always done and once again be saluted for their 'undying spirits'. A cliched label or a badge that can shut their mouths up.

Will the netas in their finely starched white kurtas and govt ambassadors ever realize what's it like to have a spine in back? A nation like Pakistan which almost has no existence on the world map tries to prove it by attacking us every now and then. What are we? their guineapigs? Our ATS chief, DCP and ace shooter are killed by a bunch of brainwashed tweens who probably don't even understand how to use a shaving cream... Is it NOTHING for us? Are the sacrifices of our heroes in vain? It has been an entire era of terrorist attacks on Mumbai since they started first. How many more to go to wake us up to reality?

Come elections and the parties will engage themselves in rapid mud-slinging, with this attack as a focal issue. The lucky ones will come in the rule and start one more samzauta express to the land where they don't even understand the meaning of this word. Their 'Traning Camps' are right next to the border... But we won't dare attack them because we don't want to disturb the 'peace process' while they deliberately continue the 'piece process' with us...

We need an Indira here, perhaps a Modi too. (I cannot help but say it no matter however debatable it may sound) for the simple truth that we fail to understand.. Talk to these cretins in the language they understand. And they don't understand the language of humanity, of peace and of forgiveness.. (the last word sounds very abusive, doesn't it?)

Common guys, this is so not done. Let's switch off the MTVs and Channel Vs for a while, let's come out of Karan Johar flicks and cricket mania for a change and help make things better for ourselves. Let' demand for what's good for keeping our pride intact and lets help make it happen. People in every civilized country do it..We can too!

Marriage, anyone?

सध्या ऑफिसमध्ये लग्नाचा मौसम चाल्लाय. लोकं एकतर लग्नं तरि करताहेत नाहीतर गेलाबाजार साखरपुडा तरी..त्यातही वर्गीकरण- म्हणजे नुकतंच लग्न ठरलेले, नवविवाहित, अनुभवी आणि बरेच अनुभवी. आमच्यासारखे काही सुदैवी अपवाद वगळता बाकी सारे इकडुन तिकडुन 'तिथलेच'.

लग्नावरून आठवलं...गेल्या शनिवारी ट्रेनमध्ये एक गंमतीशीर जाहीरात पाहीली-" एका सुंदर सुशिक्षित गुजराती मुलाला मुलगी पाहीजे. संस्कारी मुलींनी ताबडतोब संपर्क साधावा.फोन: xxoxoxoxo"

यातला फोन नंबर वगळला (कारण तो तेव्हढा लक्षात रहाण्यालायकीचा नव्हता) तर बाकी शब्द अगदी तंतोतंत तसे होते. पहिल्यांदा मला तो निव्वळ कॉलेजमधल्या पोरांचा वात्रटपणा वाटला. पण याचं वेगळेपण जाणवण्याचं कारण म्हणजे हाताने ठळक अक्षरांत लिहिलेला तो संदेश आणि तो पोचवण्यासाठी निवडलेली जागा-sencond class ladies compartment.

'गुजराती मुलाला मराठीत जाहीरात करायची वेळ का आली' असे क्षुल्लक प्रश्नं आधि येउन गेले. (कारण मुंबईत हे तितकसं 'normal' नाही). त्यानंतर निरुद्योगी पण कुतूहलामुळे प्रेरित झालेला analysis सुरु झाला. म्हणजे एकवेळ 'घरबैठे काम करें, महीना १०,००० कमाऐं', वगैरे छापाच्या जाहीरातींकरता ही जागा आणि पद्धत ठीक आहे...पण हा प्रकार जरा अति झाला. बरं, याला हवी संस्कारी मुलगी. कुठली 'संस्कारी' मुलगी असल्या जाहीरातीला प्रतिसाद देईल? (हे एका मैत्रिणीला सांगितल्यावर, "मग '१०० रुपयांत गर्भपात' या नावाने ट्रेन्समध्ये जागोजाग चिकटलेल्या तुकड्यांमधल्या नंबरांवर फोन करणार्यां बहुतांश मुली 'संस्कारी'च असतात" असं मौलिक ज्ञान मिळालं.) य़ा सुशिक्षित बाळ्याने स्वतःचा सुसंस्कृतपणा मात्र अशा रितीने छान जाहीर केला होता. शिवाय, मुलींनी म्हणे याला ताबडतोब संपर्क साधायला हवा. म्हणजे हा अगदी जशी सणासुदीची ऑफर- घेतली नाही तर चांस गेला.

परंतु अजून थोडा वेळ ती जाहीरात पाहील्यावर असं जाणवलं की ती बर्यापैकी straighforward होती. म्हणजे, थोडक्यात, "मला लग्न करायचंय, नवरी शोधतोय, तुम्ही इच्छुक असाल तर हा मी आहे" असं प्रामाणिकपणे सांगण्याचा तो प्रयत्न वाटला. तसं बघायला गेलं, तर ही जाहीरात आणि एखाद्या विवाहविषयक कॉलम अथवा संकेतस्थळावरची जाहीरात, यांत एक माध्यम सोडलं तर फारसा फरक नव्ह्ता. विश्वसनीयता कुठेही असू शकते किंवा नसू शकते. उलट या युक्तिपासून स्फूर्ती घेऊन उद्या matrimonial site वालेच त्यांच्याकड्ल्या स्थळांच्या जाहीराती अशाप्रकारे करायला लागतील. (बापरे! )

काहीही असो, मला या low cost marketing strategy ची मजा वाटली. अंगातला पूर्वीचा 'जे.जे.' पणा जागा झाला अन असंही वाटलं की या नगाला खरोखरंच फोन करुन जरा गम्मत पहावी...अर्थातच तो सुविचार मोठ्या कौशल्याने झटकला. या गोष्टीलाही काही दिवस होउन गेलेत. न जाणो, आतापर्यंत एखादी 'संस्कारी' छोकरी मिळुनही गेली असेल त्याला...